PARENTING

 

PARENTING

 

MARRIAGES

 

Marriages are considered as made in Heaven. They are celebrated spending lot of money. What is a marriage?  Marriage is a social function organized by individuals.

Why marriages fail? Communication of mutual trust and love are the lifeline in marriage. Lack of these leads to divorce or bitterness in life.

 

‘A wife must know the mind of her husband and move amicably with him. She must speak to him softly as a real friend. She should show him the path of Dharma, if he is going wrong as father. When her husband is down with illness, she should turn to him like a mother’. Marriage teaches the husband to remove his ego and share his love with his wife and children. Elders say the wife must render the services of a mother, friend, servant and minister to her husband.

 

From Vedic times, it is the duty of man to feed his wife, children and take care of their welfare. In modern world, as both wife and husband go to work, their duties are also divided. Wife takes care of cooking & children and the husband’s duty is to get necessary house hold goods, vegetables and etc from the market. Cleaning of rooms is done either by husband/wife.

 

Even in west, wife and husband segregate their work among themselves. Husband takes care of 1^st floor/ground floor cleaning plus gardening work. Wife takes to cooking and washing clothes. During winter, due to snow there is no gardening to be done. Cleaning of 1^st floor/ bed rooms are done during weekends by the husband. Left is garage which needs less cleaning or no cleaning? So, here too wife does more work than the husband.

 

Women’s work is invisible. Cooking for herself & family becomes routine work for a working or non-working women.

 

If a marriage does not succeed then Divorce is a traumatic affair. Raising a child is not easy in this world without both parents. If a rich child enjoys the privileges of luxury, money, toys, cars, etc but lacks the love of his/her parents, it is difficult for him/her to decide with whom he/she should live with. The mental, emotional, physical and spiritual scars are left behind like a dead carnage in both the conscious and sub-conscious minds of the child.

 

 

CHILDREN

 

Children should realize that not only their body but education and intellectual caliber are the gifts of their parents & consider them as their God.

 

Vedas declare ‘Mathru Devo Bhava, Pithru Devo Bhava, Acharya Devo Bhava and Atithi Devo Bhava (worship mother as God, father as God, Guru as God and guest as God). How many times God has incarnated on this earth? In His place, the mother and father lead the child to the Lord. Parents are the living Gods of children.

 

For a child the mother is the first Guru who can teach the right lessons to the child and make him tread the righteous path. In ancient times, it is only mothers who have taught their children lessons of truth, righteousness and love. So, she is called the yoga mata.  Father is the next Guru who teaches the child how to walk on the path of God. A teacher who imparts spiritual knowledge is the real teacher or Guru.

 

Parents have the primary responsibility to mould the character of their children with moral and spiritual values. They must nourish a child with well balanced minds, body and spirit. It is being seen that Parents do not correct the children out of too much affection and give excess of freedom. One has to be strict with the children and even punish them when the child goes wrong to inculcate discipline in them. The best way they can show their love for their children is to make them follow the right path.

 

Physical, Academic, emotional and spiritual developments are needed for every child’s proper development.

 

 

Physical Development

 

Once a saint told me that the soul enters after formation of the body (i.e. 4^th /5^th month) in the womb of a pregnant lady. Soul enters through the head with lot of force. This might be the reason why the head remains the weakest part compared to other parts of the body. Human loves his/her body more than anything.

 

Feeding the family is a necessity and a time consuming task. Money has to be given its own importance. It has to be used in the best way possible. Many families are frequent visitors at the Fast food restaurants or Junk Food centers. This type of food costs money and spoils the health. Indians like spicy food, which should be avoided. Food plays a major role in the upkeep of health. By nature, human is vegetarian. Vegetables & leafy vegetables contain lot of iron and proteins. Environmental circumstances forced him to become a non-vegetarian. Non-vegetarian food is considered as good for physical development. But too much cholesterol & fat in the meat leads to many diseases in human beings. Lesser the fried food, lesser the cholesterol. Care should be taken to see that food consumed does not have much of fat content. Fat consumed in large quantities are detrimental not only to one’s physical health but also affects mental health. Balanced diet is a must for a good health. Health is Wealth.

 

Parents have to save their money to send the child to a good school. Children must be taught thrift and proper use of money. When children learn how to use money with care and without waste, their future will be bright.

 

Time management is must for children. Time is precious and one should not waste it. Eight hours of sleep is needed along with their studies. Going to early bed and early rising/wakening from bed are must for children. Early morning studies freshens the minds of the children. Stress due to excess homework/studies can be avoided by giving proper time to studies. Stress can be avoided by doing ‘Pranayama’ or Yoga in early mornings.

 

If one has less food preparation, less washing, less purchases and maintain less individual activities for self and family, he/she might have more time for relaxation and time to spend with the family. Cooking can be done for both lunch and dinner at a time. But due to old habits we still cook lunch and dinner separately. Time management is also needed for home life.

 

 

ACADEMIC DEVELOPMENT

 

Without education man is equal ant to a beast. Education develops the brain. Parents are the first teachers of the child. They teach children with basic knowledge needed for living in society. Education is for life and not for money. The education of the child spans from childhood of (2years) through university. This is 24 years of investment, which extends with each child.

 

Youth today are lost in confidence. They should correct themselves. Today’s education is based on theory and not on creativity. Then how the student will develop in creating a new world. No practical classes are there for students in schools. Teachers teach the students to procure more marks than improving the individuality (mentality) of the students (which helps the school in turn to get more students and make more money). Teachers don’t encourage students to ask questions as they may not be in position to reply.  The children should try to dream about their future. And dream to create things. After seeing an apple falling from the tree, Sir Isaac Newton came to conclusion that earth has attraction power. Science means experiencing and experimenting. Good teaching leads to research. Education & research go hand in hand. We are creating clerks to do manual jobs in offices (all corporate schools) but not scientists like Abdul Kalam (who helped India develop missile system indigenously).

 

In schools, sport is a forgotten word. School managements get permission to start a school without a playground. School managements show nearby parks as playgrounds but never contemplate in taking students there. Without a physical body, can mind be developed? All round activities are must in a school.

 

Who taught birds to fly and build nests on the tree? Who taught animals to live in caves? But Man who is considered to be learned and son of God has to learn to live on his own for his survival.

 

 

Emotional Development

 

Love of parents acts as a security to the children. If parents are happy, joyful, playful, positive, peaceful, children also develop their qualities. They feel what you transmit. Children need to know that they are loved and accepted, and they have a home that is a secure place for them to discover and explore their reality.

 

A good relationship between husband and wife is stabilizing influence for their children. A child feels the love or enjoys the love of their union. Quarrels, fighting and with-drawing from each other threaten the child’s security. Children feel troubled and insecure, instead of love from the parents. If a wife and husband cannot heal their relationship then this unhealed attitude will live with their children.

Parents should be aware of formidable commitment and responsibility towards children before they decide to have children. Today, women are becoming aware of their skills and potentials beyond the realms of home and family. A mother’s job is to mould the character of her child & needs more knowledge, skill, character, and spirituality than any position in the office/business.  Women can study, undertake jobs, but they should not neglect their house hold duties. If both husband and wife go to office, who will look after the household responsibilities?  If women go to school to teach others’ children, then who will teach her children? Mother’s are responsible for the all round well being of their children.

 

 

STRESS of TV & INTERNET

 

Newspaper, radio, telephone and letters were the means of communication in early part of  the 20^th century.  Television and internet brought people closer and made communication easy in this developing techno world.

 

Today, children are influenced by television, internet, movies, and strangers etc. who may not share our values. In movies and television programs with high crime scenes and low morality, have long unseen effect on children’s character and behavior. Unfortunately victims of communications revolution are children. Television is Televisham (Tele-poison). Even the parent should avoid going to some cinemas. All the crimes and violence we witness today are largely the result of evil influence of films on young minds. The scenes, thoughts and actions displayed on TV fill the mind of the viewers. Un-knowingly agitations and ill-feelings enter their mind.  Films and television have totally demoralized the people.  Constant watching of TV makes the child a stupid. A child spends more time watching TV than any other activity except sleeping, and by the time he attains the age 15, a child has spent more time in front of TV than at school.

 

In olden days, TV was valued as a tool of entertainment and information. The television in those days had programs of spiritual nature, content, good talent and quiz shows. The television industry censored the programs then but today self discipline in maintaining the values are tossed aside to make money.

 

Internet and Video games are two which have negative effect on children. Internet is uncensored. In January 2006, a Telugu News Channel showed that school going children of Vizag are viewing vulgar pictures thru internet.  A child can walk to internet parlor/vulgar room without the parent knowing. If a parent has computer with internet access at home then let the child use it in front of him. This is the best way to monitor a child. The curiosity of the child is natural but do we want our child to be exposed to this vulgar world. Children should be taught about sex in the schools. Parents feel uncomfortable/embarrassing in educating the child about sex. Sex is not vulgar but is biology between a male and a female. By educating the child, there will not be any curiosity in the child to learn it from other sources. 

 

The child might object parent’s control at times but parents are the final authority.

 

We all know the positive aspects of using computers and internet for educational and informative purposes. This type of usage is not a problem.

 

Video games are another concern for parents. The violent games disturb the mind and behavior of the child. Too much addiction to TV, Internet and Computer games can have negative consequences such as poor performance in studies, no interest in hobbies and friends. With no physical activities, child might suffer from obesity.

 

 

SPIRITUAL DEVELOPMENT

 

We have acquired this human body as a result of several births of merit and good deeds. It is a divine gift to us to merge with the divine, to reach your destination. The ultimate goal of this birth is self realization and meditation is the bridge to experiencing the self. Intense Meditation done regularly and sincerely can purify our heart, the seat of divine consciousness. .  

Children should be taught to pray Godess Sri Maha Saraswati, Divine Mother who bestows unique blessings for inner purity, true kindness, a strong memory, true discrimination, absolute clarity, and abundant creativity. Through Mother Saraswati's blessings, our behavior, thoughts and speech are refined and elevated to a divine degree, such that we become highly respected by others for our integrity, intelligence, truthfulness, sincerity and kindheartedness. one can be freed from ignorance and forgetfulness. One's knowledge will increase, and the ability to compose poetry will also blossom. Discrimination and awareness increase, and one gains abundant powers of speech.

 

By worshipping Mother Saraswati in the form of the sacred Sri Chakra. When we worship her in the Sri Chakra, she grants us the infinite wealth of divine knowledge, a positive reputation, and success in our career.  Children must chant the following mantra of Godess Sri Maha Saraswati for better education.

 

Om Aim Srim Hrim Saraswathi Mata Sri Jaya Lakshmi Devyai Namah

 

Children must be taught of chanting God’s name, visualizing him and doing meditation (meditation means organizing & channeling one’s thoughts)  & pranayama (control/concentration over breathing) to bring peace to their troubled minds.  Pranayama is the key for meditation. Pranayama increases the intake of cosmic/vital energy and helps energize the chakras, spiritual energy centers. It also helps balance the ida and pingala nadis, channels, thus bringing the mind under control.

 

Meditation practiced with Pranayama transforms the vital energy into divine love and paves a highway for our spiritual journey. When we are filled with divine love, we experience peace, purity and elevation in our life. It also helps clean the chakras of the karmic dust accumulated due to previous birth loads of karma. Once the luminosity of the chakras is restored, they bloom like flowers in our inner garden, which can then be offered at the lotus feet of lord. The fragrance of peace and purity is reflected in our eyes, thoughts, action and speech. we should regularly clean our inner self, the inner garden through the practice of meditation, sacred thoughts and sacred conduct.

 

 

We can experience bliss in meditation when we speak  the language of God-Silence. Bliss is not of the body; it is of the mind. It is not dependent on external things; it is internal. An egoless mind, full of spiritual knowledge, flows like the river Ganges. That peace has to be experienced; it cannot be described with words. It cannot be bought with all the wealth in the world.

 

Silence is the language of Lord Dattatreya. When we pray, we speak to God, but when we meditate in silence, God speaks to us. When we are silent, we are more receptive and able to listen to the divine language. External silence teaches us to live peacefully; however, inner silence enables us to realize the self in the form of peace.

 

From the time we wake up in the morning till we go to bed, we must perform every single act with the spirit of meditation. As meditators, we should always be in silence. Even when we talk to people, we must maintain inner silence. One we learn this language of Lord Shiva, we will transcend the cage of mind, body and intellect. It is only when we approach realized souls with inner silence, we are able to communicate with them and, with their grace, receive their divine message and knowledge.

 

Meditation liberates one from sensory world and gives the experience of the pure divine consciousness. Our original form is truth. We should be liberated from the slavery to senses and experience the divine consciousness. Let us all gain liberation through meditation.

 

Truth is the power that controls the universe; it creates, sustains and dissolves. This can be achieved only through meditation. Truth or the energy behind everything in this world can only be realized by going inward and by an endless process of self-inquiry. Veda’s (knowledge) can lead us to “neti, neti” ( not this, not this), however, to realize the Supreme Self-Brahman-truth, we need to expand our vision and awareness.

 

So children, meditate on supreme being and go beyond the limitation of the body and time. Dive deep in the depths of your heart and touch the truth, that constant “Pranavakar, Omkar” within. Our life is so limited, we must inculcate our life with truth and let each and every breath be permeated by Omkar. Once we tune with this “Omkar” within, we will experience the all pervasive self, manifested as Sun, Moon, Planets and Time itself.

 

The primary responsibility of the parents is to mould the character of their child. Character determines who and what type of a person we are. Character is built from examples of life. Do not allow unwanted behavior to root in your child because they will eventually need to uproot it.

 

Parents become so attached to the child that he finds it difficult to mould the character. He would rather be his friend. Our children want their parents to take care of their needs and they want the parent to provide for their every desire. This is acceptable to them but they find it difficult when the parent is correcting their behavior. They are spoiled, pampered and have their own way. Are parents competent to guide their children in right path? Our children are future. A parent has to be strict and inculcate the right behavior in his children.

 

Discipline must be inculcated in the child. Parents are troubled by the lack of influence they have over the child’s behavior after the child crosses 16/18 years of age. Parents, do not know what is happening in the life of their teenage or college going child.

 

It is a known fact that when the parents exchange words then the children exchange blows. After analyzing above four needs physical needs can be reduced to give importance to emotional security, education and spiritual development of the child.

 

As a child, he is pure. When he associates with characterless friend/stranger, it will not take time to get tainted. Parents are there to protect the child from such strangers. Even the bad thoughts constitute bad company. You should not only discard bad company, but also bad thoughts. One has to join good company and inculcate good thought.

 

Respect is forgotten word in present day. Children should be taught to respect God, parents, Grand-parents, teachers and elders. Before television came, man was more moral. Bad language is common place in our movies and the same vulgar words are used profusely. If a child verbally or physically abuses others then it is the responsibility of the father to amend the child.

 

Grand parents are a true asset to the family structure. They represent the extended roots of the family. Grand parents want to help the parent or their grand children to avoid mistakes. Worldly knowledge changes but Truth is permanent. Ask your parents & Grand Parents for advice and allow them to contribute.

 

In Bhagvad Gita, Lord Krishna told Arjuna to fight kauravas and not to run away from his duty towards society/nation. When we are living in this society, children should be taught to respect the places of worship, national flag, national anthem and motherland.  A man who can not respect his motherland, national flag/national anthem can not respect anything. Duty towards society is more important than towards God. One can serve the God by serving the fellow humans. ‘Manava sevaye Madhava seva’. If a man is more interested in God then he should renounce the worldly pleasures and seek solace at God’s feet, leaving the society behind.

 

Child should be taught to have control over the mind. If a person slips and injures himself can be cured but a slip of tongue is more dangerous than an atom bomb and is irreparable.

 

The Child must be trained to stay away from anger, fear, anxiety, shyness, repeating the same mistakes, developing arrogantly, isolating from parents and distractions.

 

Parent must set an example of honesty, respect for elders, healthy habits for hygiene, self discipline, responsibility, kindness, generosity and family traditions as children learn through actions not by instructions.

 

Laziness in a child makes him rusty. Children are not taught responsibility for themselves nor do they serve their parents. Children should be made to clean their beds, serve their lunch/dinner and clean their plates and help their parents in daily chores. Cleanliness is Godliness. Lastly, children are indebted to their parents. They should love them and try to serve them. Now a day, children do not have time for their parents and the motherland as they have their own career to build. These types of persons are like birds. The mother bird uses to feed and teach the baby bird to fly. Upon learning how to fly, the baby bird leaves the parents and flies off. Man is also a selfish animal. Tomorrow, they too will get old.

 

In the above example, we saw that there is no bodily attachment between the mother bird and baby bird. One should do their duties without attaching themselves to this world. Birth and death is cyclical process till one attains salvation (merging the soul with the divine). Money comes and goes but if they serve the nation, their parents, the society and God, then they might be acquiring lot of ‘punya’ (virtuous).  Punya will get accumulated in their account in the God’s bank (which is worth more than the paper currency / gold in a bank account in this world).

 

Man is not satisfied with what he earns. He is greedy for more and more wealth. Man forgets that he will not take a single pie while leaving this world. He should be greedy for the Divine Grace.